i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
