Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
they're like a gay fantastic four
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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