you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
