I skipped work to stalk him.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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