I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
