we have pet lesbian snakes
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
