what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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