At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
