That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
