remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
