so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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