Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
