I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
