why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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