when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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