someone threw a dead crab at me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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