That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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