He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
