you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
