guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize