you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize