he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
