Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
