No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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