If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
NoShamevember. You game?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
