I murdered the dance floor call the cops
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
