That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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