I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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