the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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