Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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