I didn't shave. On purpose
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
