I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
