I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
