He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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