i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
