I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
