I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
