If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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