i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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