Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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