I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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