shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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