I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
there is puke in my bra ... again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
