im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
