And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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