I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
