At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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