I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think my moral compass just broke
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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