Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
