so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
