bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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