I will die if light touches me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
