Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
