The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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