it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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