What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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