I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
