So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
