she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
