Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
