WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
