I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
