I think I am morally bankrupt
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
