if only i could text you this smell
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Your penis caused this!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
