at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
