I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
