You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
