Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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