she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
