Someone shit on the floor
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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