Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
